Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin
queerbychoice

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Stupid Television Crushes

I need to stay away from the evil television. I can't believe I let myself get sucked into it like that. The plan was to allow myself nothing but my usual prescribed dose of one hour per week whenever a new episode of Enterprise is broadcast, but then I failed to turn the TV off for a full three minutes after the show ended - specifically, I was hoping for previews of next week's Enterprise, which they never showed - and in the space of those three minutes they managed to hook me into, of all the ridiculous shows that I never expected to find myself watching a single episode of - America's Next Top Model.

And not only that, but the way they accomplished this miracle was by inducing me to develop an instant crush at first sight upon one of their aspiring models. Yes, me! A crush on an aspiring model! How pathetically conformist can I possibly get? Well, it's like this: she had big thick nerdy black glasses, and and no apparent makeup on, and long straight limp plain brown hair cut off in a nerdy perfectly even straight line at the ends, and she wore, like, actual clothes, normal clothes, the kind of clothes people put on in the morning when what matters to them is picking colors that match, rather than attempting to reveal tantalizing glimpses of skin to everyone on the street. She explained that she had never had any interest in modeling or in appearance in general, but some friends insisted she should go try to get on the show, so she just went along with it to see what happened but wasn't really serious about it. The other models hastened to exclaim that she'd never make it because "her eyes are too close together, she's not pretty at all, she looks like a bird!" And the judges informed her that she needs to not wear so much clothing, and start putting on makeup, and then of course they took off her glasses for the photo shoots. By the time the show is over, these stupid judges will have permanently turned her into just as much of a boring carbon-copy "model" lookalike as all the other contestants.

Anyway, then I made the mistake of looking her up online. I confess: I was holding out some vague foolish hope of discovering she was queer. But instead, all I found was old photographs of her with what appears to be a crucifix around her neck. So much for that romance. Oh, I also found the information that she's the same age and lives in the same area as my ex-boy Jeremy, who is a nude model, so I have now decided that the two of them will do nude modelling sessions together and end up dating. And then perhaps he will accidentally get her pregnant and they will have an exceptionally tall, bony, underfed child, because they have much in common where that is concerned.

Yes. I cannot believe how in the space of one hour, the evil television has managed to leave me heartbroken over some stupid het woman I never met. The evil television needs to be banished.
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