Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin
queerbychoice

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The Face Transformer

The Face Transformer is the best Internet toy I've discovered in years! It takes any photograph (well, any straight-on photograph of a face with a closed mouth and preferably neutral facial expression) and changes the gender, race, age, or various other characteristics. See, here's the original photograph of me I took for it this evening.



And here are the modified versions . . .

East Asian

Well, I don't understand why it can't at least make my hair look darker, if not straight, so I hand-modified it to darken my hair. The auto-generated one is on the left and my hand-modified version is on the right. In these pictures, I bear a faint yet unmistakeable resemblance to my ex-best-friend Christine's younger sister, Stella. (Is that why Christine wasn't attracted to me??? It's really rather alarming.)

   


West Asian

I think what they mean here is what is usually referred to as "South Asian." I haven't heard the term "West Asian" used much. And my hair looked funny again, so again, the auto-generated one is on the left and my hand-modified version is on the right.

   


Afro-Caribbean

Again with the confusingly-named ethnicities. Ethnic groups native to the Caribbean do not much resemble ethnic groups native to any part of Africa. And again with the hair, too.

   


More Caucasian

Ha, I didn't even know it was possible to be more Caucasian than I already am. The Face Transformer won't let you do this transformation unless you tell it you're some other race than Caucasian to begin with. I told it I was East Asian, because if I told it I was anything else, it would bleach my skin out so far I'd get nothing but a big white splotch. Even here, some of my forehead is disappearing into plain white. I'm really glad I went to the extra trouble of persuading it to do this transformation for me though, bcause I can't look at this picture without being struck by the fact that I've totally seen some people with faces exactly like that, and if I had not done this transformation, I would never have guessed that those people were the World's Most Ultimate Caucasians Ever.




Male

Aaaaaaaah, nobody ever told me that if I were male I would just happen to be the most irresistably adorably geeky-looking male on the entire planet!!! Does anyone know where I can find a support group for people who've developed unconsummatable crushes on alternate-gender versions of themselves?

Also, the family resemblance to my father and my male cousin from my father's side of the family is rather startling in this picture - and that's despite the fact that my father and my cousins on his side of the family all have black hair and much darker skin than me, which means that if the coloring were adjusted too, the resemblance could become even more startling.




More Female

Again, the Face Transformer won't let you do this transformation unless you tell it you're male to begin with. But I'm also very glad I did this transformation, because it has revealed to me that one's degree of physical femininity is defined as the degree to which one resembles failsafeheart. Alysia, how does it feel to have the World's Ultimate Female Face against which all other faces' femininity levels are judged?




Baby

Er, actually, I've never seen a baby with long hair or glasses. This transformation merely achieved a truly nightmarish doll effect, rather than looking anything like a baby. I was bald as a baby! And when my hair did come in, if it was ever that blonde, then it didn't stay that blonde for more than a few weeks before turning distinctly reddish-brown.




Child

My face was not this long and narrow until I was around ten years old, but maybe it's not too terrible an approximation of what I looked like at age ten.




Teenage

Come on now - what sort of fool writes an image manipulation program designed to show what people looked like or will look like as teenagers and yet fails to add any acne? When I was a teenager, I dreamed of looking like that, but I had no such luck whatsoever.




Older

The one on the left is what the Face Transformer produced; I hand-modified the one on the right to make my hair greyer. These pictures look exactly like what you'd get if you crossed my mother with my paternal grandmother. Which, well, is pretty nearly the combination that did produce me, so I guess I shouldn't be so surprised at how exact the resemblances are.

   


More of a Young Adult

This is another of those transformations that you have to lie to the Face Transformer to persuade it to perform. I told it I was already an "older adult" and asked it to show me what I would have looked like as a younger adult. This alarmingly supermodelish picture is what it came up with. I've never looked like that in the least, so I guess that confirms that I haven't aged significantly.




Drunk

Luckily, I will never need to worry about looking like this.




Half-Chimpanzee

This is what would happen if George W. Bush impregnated me . . . wait, let's not think about that. Really let's not.




Painted by Botticelli

This would be a quite acceptable resemblance if not for the hugely glaring problem that I am not blonde. You'd think a famous painter would have at least had sufficient talent to get my hair color right.




Painted by Modigliani

I actually kind of like this one, although I still think it makes my hair look too light.




Painted by Mucha

Enough with the blondeness already!!!




Drawn Manga-Style

Manga characters frighten me.

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