Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin
queerbychoice

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Sick

I'm sick of being sick. :-(

I'm sick of having a leaky faucet where other people have a nose.

I'm sick of not wanting to go to the store to buy cold medicines because the people at the store don't really deserve to be dripped on by me (or to have the ATM buttons and the store shelves and the shopping baskets and everything else dropped on by me) and I don't know how to stop dripping.

I'm sick of the fact that even if I do go to the store and drip on everything and everyone, there still won't even be any cold medicines that will stop the dripping - only cold medicines that stop congestion and cause more dripping.

I'm sick of the fact that I have to go to work tomorrow and drip on everything there or else I don't get paid.

I'm sick of the stabbing pains of bacterial infection in my wisdom teeth and all over my lower jaw that still have not stopped even though I've already used up most of the penicillin my dentist prescribed for it.

I'm sick of not having any dental insurance with which to have my wisdom teeth removed for a halfway reasonable price.

I love my job, I love the work I do and the people I work with, but I'm sick enough of the absence of insurance, sick leave, vacation, retirement plan, and everything else, that I'm beginning to think I ought to leave it anyway. But that would probably require me to move to a different city if I want to remain an editor, which I do. I'm sick of there not being enough publishing companies to choose from around here.

I'm sick of not being able to afford to own a home, having to pay rent money endlessly and receiving no actual property in return for it. I'm sick of being exploited by rich corporations who charge too much and pay too little for very many people at all to be able to afford to own their own homes.

I'm sick of encountering sexism and heterosexism every day. I'm also sick of the prejudices that financially benefit me but emotionally harm me by making the world an altogether more inhumane place, such as racism and ableism and sizeism and all the rest of them.

I'm sick of the American government. And I'm sick of how ridiculously many people assume when I say that I'm sick of the American government that I only mean I'm sick of Republicans. I'm sick of all of them. I'm sick of Democrats masquerading as our saviors when they're quite evil enough all by themselves. I'm sick of the fact that no one but Cindy Sheehan and a few other scattered freaks can be bothered to remember that Bill Clinton killed more Iraqi children with sanctions than either one of the Bush presidents has yet managed to equal.

I'm sick of people who think they own me, my time, my space, or my property, who think they have a right to demand Item X from me for no reason other that it makes them very unhappy to have to do without Item X, no matter that it would also make me very unhappy to give them Item X. I'm sick of people thinking that their hypothetical situation in which I hypothetically ask them to give me their Item X and they hypothetically would supposedly happily give it to me is somehow supposed to outweigh in my mind the facts that (a) I have never asked and never would ask them to give me their Item X, whereas what I do ask is to be allowed to keep my own Item X, and (b) in the not-at-all hypothetical situation in which they keep asking me for various Item Xs, they are chronically and persistently too ungenerous to acknowledge that I even have a right to claim my own Item X for myself without being yelled at for it.

I'm sick of the fact that I can't even run a community for queer by choice people without having to cope with the fact that some of the people who join it are sometimes going to be sexist queer by choice people or racist queer by choice people or otherwise offensive queer by choice people. I'm sick of the fact that even though what I really want to do is found a community where the only people in it will be queerbychoiceantisexistantiracistantiableistantisizeistreallytrulyNICEpeoplewhoarenotoffensiveinanyway, LiveJournal doesn't allow community usernames with that many letters in them.

I'm sick of global warming and mass extinctions, too. I'm sick of a lot of things. But I think I would be a little bit better able to cope with all the things I am sick of if I were not actually physically sick.
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