When people wish me "Happy VD!" I want to scream and run away from them as fast as I can. It's like, the absolute most disturbing pickup line imaginable . . . and complete with the assumption that of course I'll agree to let them infect me.
But I'm happy today, because Olga has taken to leaving her bathroom door open when nobody else is home, all because of me, because I inspired her. At last I've made my mark on history! I will be remembered forever as the promoter of open bathroom doors.