Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin
queerbychoice

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Friendly Fashion Tips from Gayle

Hello, darlings! I'm here to tell you about the fad of the future in hairstyling, so next time you're gazing disappointedly into your mirror wishing your hair would achieve something that none of your friends have ever dreamed of doing before, you'll know just what to do! Just follow my simple instructions:

1. Purchase a candle in any color you like. It should be a nice wide column, with lots of room for a substantial lake of melting wax to collect on top.

2. Light the candle. Let it burn a while until lots of wax has melted.

3. Walk over to the candle, put your face down close to it, and blow really hard straight down onto the flame. The flame will go out, and the hot liquid wax will go flying up in tiny bead-like droplets all over your face and your hair, where they will immediately solidify.

Caution: If you are unhappy with the effect, it will take up to 45 minutes to remove all the little wax beads from your hair. However, if your hair is shorter or straighter than mine you might get it out a lot quicker.

I didn't actually intend to invent a new fashion trend tonight, but hey . . . some people's talents just can't be suppressed.

Speaking of fashion trends, I was inspired last night to count how many shirts I own. The count came to 49. How on earth did I manage to acquire 49 shirts? Am I actually under the impression that I need to be able to wear a different shirt every day for a month and a half without ever washing any of them? Am I the Imelda Marcos of shirts? I had no idea I owned so many of them. So then I went back through and looked to see if any of them should be thrown out. I threw out three of them, which leaves me with 46 shirts still. Then I counted how many I actually wear on an extremely regular basis, and that count came to about 35. I think I really am the Imelda Marcos of shirts. They're all different sizes too: men's shirts, women's shirts, small, medium, large. Oddly, despite the size range, they all fit.

I should probably not buy any new shirts for a while. But I did buy myself a round purple tablecloth a few days ago, for the purpose of making myself a tablecloth skirt. My mother made me an ivory tablecloth skirt once in high school, and it was quite beautiful - so they must be easy to make, because it was almost the only article of clothing she ever made me which did turn out so well. But I've been too intimidated to start yet. I'll get around to it. I can't find any decent skirts in any stores these days, so if I'm to acquire any new ones, tablecloth skirts may be the most efficient way. They're so delightfully circular. I adore circle skirts, and they're never sold anywhere. Tablecloths are sold everywhere though, so hopefully I can learn to adapt.

But enough fashion talk: I actually accomplished something more important this evening. Does anyone actually still remember how several weeks ago I purchased a chair which was supposedly going to enable me to finally move my computer over to my unused desk and arrange it all in an ergonomically correct setup? Well, I finally got around to moving all the necessary furniture today (bear in mind I've had this desk sitting around awkwardly in the middle of the room for over a year serving no purpose, when my original intention was to buy a chair and move the computer to it within a matter of mere weeks . . . I really procrastinated on this), and my apartment now looks like an entirely different place.

This is a very rare experience for me because I'm not much of a furniture reorganizer at all. When I acquire a new piece of furniture I choose the best place for it, and once I've chosen the best place for it, it would simply never occur to me to even consider ever moving it anyplace else - because obviously, if I decided the first time around that a certain place was the very best place for it, then surely there's no reason to believe that place would have suddenly ceased to be the best place for it. I have immense faith in my ability to have made the eternally and unchangeably correct decision the first time around.

The new desk and chair setup is fun though. I finally have a ton of free desk space on all sides of me (the desk is shaped oddly, like three sides of a hexagon, circling around me while I sit in the middle) whereas before my computer and keyboard were crammed onto a tiny end-table-like thing with no free surface space left at all (though I kept a chair next to me and used that as a dinner table, and piled everything else on the floor). Plus my new chair spins around in circles. Spinning around in circles is great fun.

When I turned on my computer for the first time in its new location, I opened up LiveJournal and soon arrived at this picture posted by Frank Episale earlier today; whereupon I was inspired to kiss my computer screen. For the record, I do not often kiss my computer screen. In fact, I'd actually already seen that picture earlier today, while I was at work, and I didn't kiss my computer screen the first time around. But then, kissing computer screens is something I wouldn't be terribly eager to do when anywhere near the people whose faith in my sanity needs to be maintained in order to provide me with an income. Kissing computer screens is an art most comfortably practiced in the privacy of one's own home.

Anyway, I'm very happy this evening. I have so much to be grateful for: a beautiful spacious new computer setup, 46 shirts, a picture on my screen of two beautiful boys kissing each other happily, and a lack of any more little wax beads in my hair.
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