All last night I could only connect at speeds ranging from 200 to 500 bytes per minute (yes I mean that literally, I checked the status box and everything), which for all intents and purposes is exactly the same as not being connected at all. So I gave up and started reading my new Gabriel García Márquez book, News of a Kidnapping (it's fact, not fiction, by the way).
This morning I contemplated bringing the book with me to work, but it's a large hardcover book that would be a slight bother to carry with me and since I hadn't had any Internet access for 16 hours I figured I'd have enough backed up email and LiveJournal entries to keep me busy so I wouldn't have any time to read books.
It must therefore be my fault that the ISP at work, which is definitely not the same ISP I have at home, was also nonfunctional all morning, leaving me with nothing to do on my morning break except twiddle my thumbs and wish I'd brought my book. That's what I get for not bringing my book. I jinxed the ISP.
And now that I finally did manage to get online, it just gets worse. Like with this news article: "Nuke Test Fallout Caused 15,000 U.S. Deaths" . . . not to mention that "20,000 nonfatal cancers among U.S. residents born after 1951 could be linked to fallout from aboveground weapons tests . . . When fallout from all domestic and foreign tests was combined, no U.S. resident born after 1951 escaped exposure, according to the study. . . . USA Today said data in the study showed global fallout blanketed much of the United States with heavy pockets in Iowa, Tennessee, California, Oregon, Washington and Idaho."
I'd change my name to Irradiated Gayle, but I guess that would be synonymous to Gayle the Resident of 21st Century Planet Earth.
Dear U.S. Government:
STOP BLOWING UP RANDOM BITS OF SAGEBRUSH IN NEVADA AND START CARING HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU GIVE CANCER TO! I don't pay my taxes to you in order for you to perform the service of giving me cancer!!!!
Just Another One of Those People Who You Force to Give You Money to Finance your Plans to Murder Us
P.S. You really need to listen to me this time, because Jayelle has just passed on to me a secret weapon. I'm on to you now! I know what it takes to control you people! If you don't start listening to me me right this very minute I swear I'll unleash a whole flood of calico cats upon John Ashcroft to terrorize him into submission! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!