Viruses you suffer from:
Eat some real food. Something which you can identify the source of every ingredient, not the point of manufacture.
Stop wearing the stick-on ears.
Free love is passe and potentially dangerous, and patchouli smells like cat piss.
[What's patchouli? I must not be infected with this or I'd know the answer.]
Consume more stuff! It's easier to buy new stuff than to recycle.
Read "God's Debris" by Scott Adams (yes, the Dilbert guy)
[Um. Considering I've been an atheist all my life, if I'm infected with the religion virus then nobody's safe.]
Viruses you might suffer from:
Free BSD (90%)
The GPL isn't that bad really. Adopt a penguin at the zoo.
[I've never used Free BSD in my life. I've just visited websites that plaster its logos everywhere, that's all.]
Use a mouse with more than one button.
[When in college I used the Macintosh computer labs far more often than the PC labs just because they were usually less crowded. But I've never actually owned a Macintosh.]
Install the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Learn to love it.
[Same comment as for Free BSD. Plus a question: why is Windows the only at all popular operating system not listed as a virus? Who wrote this virus scanner - the Microsoft Corporation?]
Brand Names (75%)
Having a well-known name doesn't make it good.
Everyone likes folk. No, really. Maybe you should listen to the Incredible String Band.
Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the waves! [repeat]
[Ah, but for someone who's never lived anywhere else, I must be relatively uninfected. I mean, Arhuaine's British and she scored as being more infected by the USA than I did.]
Conspiracy Theory (65%)
Face it, the elected government is in control. Actually that's quite scary.
Buy a suit. Invest your money. Eat hotdog buns on a friday.
Prog Rock (60%)
Long hair looks dumb with a bald spot. Listen to CD's, they don't crackle.