Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin
queerbychoice

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Of Unbelievably Stupid Het Boys and the Cars (Female Cars, of Course) That They're Sexually Attracted To

My website contains a form on which members of my Queerchoice Mailing List are invited to post profiles of themselves for easy reference for people who join the list later. The form states all over it that it's only to be used by list members, but continually I get more forms returned from non-members than from actual members. Anyone who can fill out my entire form without managing to figure out that it's only meant for list members has got to be stupid beyond belief (go ahead, read my form yourself and see if you find it the slightest bit unclear) so as you might expect, then, most of the form submissions I get from non-members are incredibly absurd and often amusing. This is the one I got today:
Name: Justin
Nicknames: Crazy J
Born: 10-17-8?
Queerchoice Member Profile:
Ford Suck
Chevy all the way baby!!
Julie i Luv Ya and im so glad we met.

Yo Ford Boys the CAMARO may come to an end but beware there still out there everywhere!!!
If it aint in a straight line then it aint racin
I don't get it. I truly don't get these people AT ALL.

As near as I can surmise, this appears to be from a young homophobic (that's my interpretation of his last line, anyhow) het male with an odd tendency to treat competition between car companies like a sporting event (and he's all decked out in a cap with a big Chevrolet logo on it, so don't let him suspect you of rooting for the Ford team!) and a baffling inability to remember his own year of birth. On the plus side, his choice of nicknames does show a certain amount of insight.

But what if I did mistake him for a list member and post his profile. Would this "Julie" person really be impressed that he'd declared his love for her to the world in a Queerchoice Mailing List Member Profile? Wouldn't she start to ask some really awkward questions about why he would have joined such a list in the first place, and whether he was planning to convert and exchange her for a cute boyfriend? And was he even planning to send her a copy of his profile once published, or did he just think she'd stumble onto it by herself (because, after all, it's easy to see why she'd be developing an interest in turning queer, if he's her idea of the best male she can find to be with)?

I'm guessing that the real point of his message was his last line, that he intended the whole thing just as hate mail addressed to me (wow, I wish all hate mail were this amusing!), and that the sentence supposedly addressed to "Julie" was really just him going out of his way to assert to me that he's not queer. Perhaps he made up "Julie" entirely. Or perhaps - wait, I know! Julie is undoubtedly the name of his dearly beloved Chevy Camaro, to whom he swears never to be unfaithful by having any affairs with a Ford.

I wonder if he's come out to his friends or family about his sexual attraction to cars yet? If he wants help, I hope he knows there are plenty of FAQs and websites that may help ease his coming-out process. Let's just hope the nasty motophobes don't bother him too much.
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