I finally got around to turning on his radio station for kids, Kick Out the Jammies, which was inspired by his search for songs to play for his and Iman's one-year-old daughter, Alex. Well, the station is a trip. Different accents in every other track, different languages in many of them, songs from all of the last 10 decades and more, readings of Shel Silverstein (the only writer ever to first make his name writing for Playboy and then go on to become a writer of children's classics) and every possible permutation of music/narrative hybrid storytelling . . . plus the music itself comes in entirely different styles from song to song . . . And then while I was still sitting there overwhelmed by all that, they went and played a song for transgendered babies.
And I decided that my life would not be complete if I failed to post the lyrics here. So I looked up some phrases I remembered from it on Google and tracked them down.
The song is called "Boy Meets Girl," from Free to Be . . . You and Me.
Two newborn babies are talking to each other in the hospital nursery.
He: I'm a baby.
She: What do you think I am - a loaf of bread?
He: You could be! What do I know? I'm just born! I'm a baby! I don't even know if I'm under a tree or in a hospital or what. I'm just so glad to be here!
She: Well, I'm a baby, too.
He: Have it your own way. I don't want to fight about it.
She: What? Are you scared?
He: Yes, I am, I'm a little scared. I'll tell you why. You see, I don't know if I'm a boy or a girl yet.
She: What's that got to do with it?
He: Well, if you're a boy and I'm a girl you can beat me up! Do you think I want to lose a tooth my first day alive?
She: What's a tooth?
He: Search me! I'm just born, I'm a baby, I don't know nothing yet!
She: Do you think you're a girl?
He: I don't know. I might be. I think I am. I've never been anything before. Let me see, let me take a little look around. Hmm. Cute feet, small, dainty, yup, yup, I'm a girl, that's it, girl time.
She: Well, what do you think I am?
He: You? That's easy! You're a boy!
She: Are you sure?
He: Of course I'm sure! I'm alive already four or five minutes, right? I haven't been wrong yet!
She: Gee, I don't feel like a boy.
He: That's because you can't see yourself.
She: Why? What do I look like?
He: Bald. You're bald, fella. Bald, bald, bald, you're bald as a ping-pong ball. Are you bald!!
He: So, boys are bald and girls have hair.
She: Are you sure?
He: Of course I'm sure. Who's bald, your mother or your father?
She: My father.
He: I rest my case.
She: Hmm. You're bald, too!
He: You're kidding!
She: No, I'm not.
He: Yuck! Don't look!
He: Ohh! A bald girl! Yecch! Disgusting!
She: Maybe you're a boy and I'm a girl!
He: There you go again, I told you, I'm a girl, I know it, I know it, I'm a girl, and you're a boy.
She: I think you're wrong.
He: I'm never wrong! What about shaving?
She: What about it?
He: You just shaved, right?
He: Exactly. And you know why? Because everyone's born with a clean shave. It's just that girls keep theirs, and boys don't.
She: So what does that prove?
He: Tomorrow morning, the one that needs a shave, he's a boy.
She: Well, I can't wait until tomorrow morning!
He: See? That proves it! Girls are patient! Boys are impatient!
She: Yeah? What else?
He: Can you keep a secret?
He: There you go. Boys keep secrets. Girls don't.
She: Hmm. Go on.
He: Are you afraid of mice?
He: I am. I'm terrified of them! I hate them! Squeak, squeak, squeak! What do you want to be when you grow up?
She: A fireman.
He: What did I tell you!
She: How about you?
He: A cocktail waitress! Does that prove anything to you??
She: Hmm, you must be right!
He: I told you, I'm always right. You're a boy, and I'm the girl!
She: I guess so. Oh, wait! Here comes the nurse to change our diapers!
He: About time, too! I have never been so uncomfortable in my life!
She: Hey, look at that!
She: You see that? I am a girl, and you're a boy!
He: Hey, it sure looks like it.
She: What do you think of that?
He: I can't understand it.
She: Well, it sure goes to show you.
She: You can't judge a book by its cover!
He: Ha, ha, ha! What does that mean?
She: How should I know? I'm only a baby!
He: So am I. Goo.
You can listen to Kick Out the Jammies, David Bowie's internet radio station for kids, by clicking the link I just provided.