Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin

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The Suspenseful Saga of Gayle and the Ice Cream

Earlier today I went to the grocery store. One of the things I'd planned to get at the grocery store was ice cream. However, when I got over to the ice cream aisle, a store employee was there with a huge cart of new ice cream supplies, which she was proceeding to pile onto the shelves, thus effectively blocking my access to the ice cream. I decided to go shop for a few other things nearby and wait for the store employee to move away from the ice cream. I wandered in small circles around the employee browsing every single other item in sight extremely slowly for at least ten minutes, but being extremely careful to clearly convey an absolute and total disinterest in the ice cream, since I didn't want the employee to "inconvenience" herself by stepping three or four feet out of my way for a second. By the time I'd been circling her for ten minutes, it also became clear that so much time had passed that if I were now discovered to have designs on the ice cream, I would inevitably be subject not merely to a normal casual stepping-three-or-four-feet-out-of-my-way-for-a-second, but to a profuse three- or four-minute terribly uncomfortable apology because "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry I should have guessed that was what you wanted all this time you've been circling for the past ten minutes how could I fail to notice such a thing it was so rude of me I'm so terribly sorry how can you ever forgive me???"

Since there is absolutely nothing in the entire world that makes me feel so guilty as being profusely apologized to for something which was really my fault in the first place, not theirs, I decided to abandon the ice cream. The store employee looked unlikely to budge anytime in the next five years. So I reluctantly attempted to resign myself to some sort of pathetic replacement, and decided to buy some whipped cream instead.

However, the whipped cream is no good. I had not previously even been aware that there was any such thing as whipped cream that isn't good, but this particular whipped cream is oddly more liquid than whipped cream is supposed to be, and doesn't really much qualify as "cream" at all, and is thereby somehow rendered utterly disgusting.

I should probably learn how to interact with store employees like a normal sane person one of these days.
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