Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin

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Hello, All Purple!

I'm wearing all purple today - a dark purple satin pleated skirt, a dark purple shirt with a big scoop neck bordered with purple lace, a dark purple hair tie, and lavender socks. Since I own at least three purple skirts and about six purple shirts, along with about six pairs of purple socks and several purple hair ties, I usually wear all purple one or two days out of every week, so the fact that this is one of those days would not normally merit any comment here. But it merits comment today because just now I went out to my car at the same time that the guy whose reserved space in the apartment parking lot is right next to mine happened to be getting out of his truck, and as he got out of his truck he looked me up and down, leered approvingly, and exclaimed, "Hello, All Purple!"

It occurs to me that if spoken by the right person, that might not actually be that bad of an opening line. However, this particular guy represents for me some of the very vilest aspects of human nature that I've ever yet encountered. My apartment complex, see, has a weird kind of arrangement where the residents are each assigned a personal reserved parking spot but the visitor's parking lot with the unreserved parking spaces is hidden way in the back and around a corner behind another building so no actual visitor can ever possibly find it - which means that all visitors continually park in the residents' reserved parking spaces instead. It's irritating when someone steals my parking spot, because then I have to park in the visitor's parking lot myself and walk quite a distance to get back to my front door, but that's what I do. The guy whose parking space is next to mine, however, does not do that. Whenever he comes home and finds that some ignorant visitor who couldn't find the visitor's parking lot has stolen his precious parking space, he double-parks his truck perpendicularly blocking the visitor from being able to get out, and also blocking the people whose parking spaces are on either side of his (such as me) from being able to get our cars in or out of our parking spaces, and then he goes into the rental office and demands that they have the car that stole his precious parking space towed away.

Please note that this is a poor neighborhood, where many of the cars he's had towed away have probably not been worth much more money total than the price of the towing that he inflicts upon their owners.

I abhor this guy.

I'm not sure what the appropriate response to being greeted "Hello, All Purple!" by such a jerk might be. Should I answer "Hello, All Jerk!" maybe? I just blatantly ignored him and acted exactly like I hadn't heard him even though he was right in front of my face.

The moral of this story is: if you're going to try to get all chummy and flirtatious with neighbors, try not making a complete jerk of yourself with others in front of them first.

Of course, the caveat to this moral is that really I always completely ignore all people's pickup lines in exactly the same way anyway, unless either (1) I have very good reason to suppose they're queer (I don't do het guys), or (2) they've gone out of their way to do something so incredibly nice for me that I have to at least politely acknowledge their existence even though I have no interest in being flirted with by them (this last situation is purely hypothetical, since no one trying to pick me up ever tries doing anything nice for me). So really I guess the fact that he's a jerk didn't make much actual difference in my reception of him. But lets pretend it did, because I like the story to have a moral.
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