. . . with thanks to lalenalefay.
I wish they'd do one for alcohol. But I think the spider would just pass out and not spin any web at all. Poor spider.
From there I also found my way to The Good Drug Guide, which seems like a useful idea - the point being to write a guide which acknowledges both positive and negative effects instead of just one or the other, and to put all of the effects in plain English. Whether they did a good job of it or not, I'm really not in the least qualified to judge. But it's nice to think somebody at least tried to write one.