Getting sent home from work early doesn't do me any good when I haven't got any internet access.
[Setting: yesterday afternoon, Gayle's apartment.]
GAYLE: [Comes home. Tries to dial internet. Password rejected, AGAIN. Makes face. Dials NYCT.net Customer Support (the ISP which provides its ISP service to BowieNet).]
CUSTOMER SUPPORT: [Insert unhelpful series of suggestions here.] How about you hang up and try it again now that we've changed those settings?
GAYLE: [in doubtful tone] Okay . . . [Hangs up. Tries again. No luck. Calls back.] Hi, it's me again. It didn't work.
CUSTOMER SUPPORT: Did you say it did work, or it didn't work?
GAYLE: It did not work.
CUSTOMER SUPPORT: Hmm.
CUSTOMER SUPPORT: Let me try. I'll dial your local dialup and try to login with your password. Hold on. [long pause] Hmm, it doesn't work.
CUSTOMER SUPPORT: Well, the problem doesn't seem to be on our side. You need to contact BowieNet instead. Call them.
GAYLE: Okay. What's their number?
CUSTOMER SUPPORT: Hmm. [Insert much fumbling around.] [Insert number here.]
GAYLE: Thanks. Bye. [Hangs up. Dials BowieNet number.]
RECORDED MESSAGE: Hello, you've reached the offices of BowieNet! Our hours are from 10:00 a.m. Eastern Time to 10:03 a.m. Eastern Time. [Playwright's Note: Okay, so that was a small amount of artistic license. But it's not far off. The NYCT.net Customer Support hours are also some miniscule amount of hours given in Eastern Time, but the BowieNet Customer Support hours somehow managed to be even SMALLER.]
[Setting: this morning, Gayle's apartment.]
GAYLE: [Wakes up at 5:00 a.m. thanks to having gone to sleep early last night thanks to having been terminally bored by lack of internet access. Waits around until 7:00 a.m., which equals 10:00 a.m. Eastern Time, which is still nearly an hour earlier than Gayle would normally have to be awake. Unsuccessfully tries internet connection several times for lack of anything better to do. Looks at watch. Dials BowieNet.]
RECORDED MESSAGE: Hello, you've reached the offices of BowieNet! Please press one for questions about billing, two for technical support issues, three for something or other, and four for dialup issues. Thanks for calling, bye bye! [*click* *dial tone*]
GAYLE: [Stares at phone receiver incredulously, wondering when recorded messages got rude enough to actually hang up on callers. Redials irritatedly.]
RECORDED MESSAGE: Hello, you've reached the offices of BowieNet! Please press one for questions about billing, two for technical support issues, three for something or other, and four for dialup</i>
GAYLE: [Hurriedly pushes four before the message ends and hangs up again]
RECORDED MESSAGE: For dialup issues, you should call NYCT.net instead of us. Their number is [insert number already called yesterday afternoon which referred me to BowieNet instead]. [*click* *dial tone*]
GAYLE: [Redials yet again.]
RECORDED MESSAGE: Hello, you've reached the offices of BowieNet! Please press one for questions about billing, two for technical support issues
GAYLE: [Pushes two.]
RECORDED MESSAGE: Please stand by while I attempt to transfer your call. . . . All our operators are busy right now. Please leave a message after the tone.
GAYLE: [Insert message with thorough description of problem and solutions already tried.] [Hangs up. Drives to work.]
[Setting: this morning, Gayle's office.]
GAYLE: [Emails BowieNet Customer Support to repeat thorough description of problem for good measure. Clicks "send." Page does not load. Clicks "back." Message has been erased. Retypes message. Clicks "send" again.]
GAYLE'S COMPUTER SCREEN: Your message has been sent.
I sure hope so.
I don't think David Bowie at all appreciates what I put up with just for the sake of being able to donate more money to him. I don't think this is a healthy relationship at all.