When you tell me about all of the horrible things that were done to the person you love, I recognize that these are good reasons for you to pity this person - but not good reasons for you to respect or fall in love with this person.
If you told me about good things that this person has done themself, how this person has fought back and survived and become a wonderful person at the end of it all, I would recognize this as a good reason for you to respect and fall in love with this person.
But all I ever hear about is the bad things that were done to this person - never about anything particularly good at all that this person has done themself, at the end of it all.
So tell me - what good things does this person do? I'm ready to hear them.