Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin
queerbychoice

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You Were a Little Girl in the '70s If . . .

from althaea

(Wow, I'm extremely impressed with this one! I think of myself as far more a child of the '80s really, since I can barely remember only two or three things from the '70s, but whoever wrote this seems to know more about me than I'd ever have dreamed any random stranger possibly could.)

1. ...you wore that rainbow shirt that was half-sleeves, and the rainbow went up one sleeve, across your chest, and down the other. Nope, I have no idea what you're talking about.

2. ...you made baby chocolate cakes in your Easy Bake Oven. You washed them down with snow cones from your Snoopy Snow Cone Machine. Nah, my little brother was the one with the Easy Bake Oven, and I did want a Snoopy Snow Cone Machine but I never actually got one.

3. ...you had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked. After training with these tools you became an expert at the game "Operation". I did have the Fisher Price Doctor's Kit but the stethoscope in it didn't actually work. And I played Operation at all my friends' houses but I didn't have it at my own house.

4. ...you owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a basket. In the early 80's you moved onto the ever popular 10 speed. I had a hot pink bicycle, but not with a banana seat, and I don't think there was a basket either. I hated the thing, because it had such a habit of hurling me into chain-link fences or tossing me face-first onto the asphalt. My parents forced me to ride it anyway and then when they replaced it (with a three-speed though, not a ten-speed) I was more horrified than ever because at long last I'd been starting to get enough bigger than it that I was hoping they'd stop forcing me to ride the horrid thing. They actually did give up on trying to make me into a bike rider though, fairly soon after they terrorized me by buying that second bike.

5. ...you ever owned roller skates with metal wheels. I owned metal roller skates that fit over the outsides of my shoes, but the wheels were hard plastic.

6. ...you thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute. I never saw Love Boat. It was some dumb thing I vaguely heard of because I think my parents watched it a few times.

7. ...you had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island. I never watched that either.

8. ...you had rubber boots for rainy/snowy days. Your shoes actually fit inside the boots (whatever happened to those?). No, but I saw a few of my friends wear them. I just went without boots myself; it's not that hard in Sacramento.

9. ...you had either a "bowl cut" or a "pixie" (not to mention the "Dorothy Hamill") because your mom was sick of braiding your hair. No, my mom inflicted a "perm" on me in first grade but by third grade I got smart and asserted control over my own hair, forbidding anyone to ever cut it or curl it or attempt to style it in any way at all.

10. ...your Holly Hobby sleeping bag was your most prized possession. HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT MY YELLOW HOLLY HOBBY SLEEPING BAG????? I also had Holly Hobby wallpaper. And my bedspread and curtains and the tablecloth for a little table in my room were all printed with something that wasn't officially Holly Hobby but it was very similar, a bunch of little girls in old-fashioned Holly Hobby type clothes with bloomers, carrying baskets of flowers and riding 19th century bicycles where one wheel was bigger than the other, and amidst it all there were little cliche captions written in flowery pink letters underneath each picture, saying things like "A friend is a present you give yourself" with a picture of two girls playing together.

11. ...you wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers. (but not all at the same time. also skorts.) One of my friends had a ponch but I didn't. I have no idea what gauchos are, and I thought "knickers" was just British for "underwear." I did get given some skorts, but I objected because I only wanted to wear real skirts, not fake ones that were really shorts.

12. ...you begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon, and a Rubix Cube. I did! My grandparents had Simon and a Rubix Cube first and then we got copies of both of them!

13. ...you had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple shredded outfits. I have no idea what you're talking about here.

14. ...you spent hours out back on your metal swing set with the trapeze. YES! How did you know about my metal swingset? It had a slide, and two swings, and a teeter-totter thingie, and my brother and I spend all day on it. It was positioned right outside my bedroom window, and we also had a sandbox there to play in. Frequently when it rained and the ground was soft or when I just swung too violently, the swingset would get lifted up out of the ground, and my father would hasten to clamp it back into the ground with chains and metal stakes so that it wouldn't tip over.

15. ...you had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color. Not homemade ones. I had two zillion little plastic barrettes of every imaginable color with little ribbonned bows molded into the hard plastic. But I really just collected them; I didn't like actually wearing them in my hair. I was crazy about wearing little plastic headbands in my hair instead.

16. ...you kept losing your mittens so your mom bought you the kind that were attached by a string. Nope. Sacramento doesn't get cold enough for mittens to really be a requirement.

17. ...your Hello Kitty pencil case was cuter than anyone else's. No, my pencil case was bright red and yellow and didn't have any character or brand name affiliated. I did get given some sort of Hello Kitty stuff by somebody or other, but I found Hello Kitty to be kind of annoying.

18. ... you wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Olson! Yes! I did read all the Laura Ingalls Wilder books obsessively, and I was extremely fond of plaid, ruffles, and old-western style clothing. I had a denim skirt that I specifically referred to as my "cowgirl skirt" when I was about eight.

19. ...you wanted your first kiss to be at the roller rink. I just wanted it to happen, really. I didn't manage to get one until I was eighteen!

20. ...your hairstyle was described as having "wings," and you kept it pretty with the comb you kept in your back pocket. Wings? No. I don't know what wings are, but I must not have had them.

1. ...you know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie. Oh yes, and . . . Plum Puddin', or something like that, and . . . Apricot something or other. I had the dolls. They came in a little white plastic Strawberry Shortcake Gazebo, with a strawberry-printed hammock strung across the inside. I declared them to be the children of my Barbie and Ken dolls (who were, incidentally, arranged into very interesting polygynous three-spouse families since nobody ever gave me enough Ken dolls to keep pace with the Barbies and homosexuality hadn't yet occurred to me as being an option). Oh! And I also had a bottle of some weird special little girls' nail polish affiliated with the Plum Puddin' character; it was plum colored, which was quite ugly and displeasing to me, and had the character's big rubber doll-like head stuck onto the nail polish cap. It caused me to dislike nail polish.

22. ...you carried a Muppets lunch box to school. I had a different lunchbox every year, and still had them all the way through junior high, at which point absolutely everybody else had switched to bag lunches and I was still trying to figure out how politely to explain to my mother that carrying a plastic lunchbox to school in junior high was making me a laughingstock. She'd bought me a hot pink Barbie lunchbox without consulting me at the start of seventh grade, and when she questioned me irritably as to why the Barbie decals had vanished sometime during my first day at school, I claimed that someone had ripped them off and stolen them, because I didn't wish to confess to having had sufficient desire to not make a complete freak of myself that I had rid myself of them voluntarily. After another couple of years my little brother (who always did have more nerve than me in such matters) demanded a bag lunch instead of a lunchbox, and then she went out and got us both vinyl lunchbags in bright colors, missing the point entirely and thwarting our attempts at any semblance of normalcy yet again. It was still better than a hot pink lunchbox though, particularly since my vinyl lunchbag (that I was stuck with all the way through college) was purple, which was a definite improvement over hot pink.

23. ...you and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazard was your boyfriend. I have no idea what the Dukes of Hazard are.

24. ...every now and then "Its A Hard Knock Life" from the movie "Annie" will pop into your brain and you can't stop singing it the whole day. Never saw it.

25. ...YOU had Star Wars action figures, too. (and all the Star Wars cards). No, I didn't like Star Wars. All special effects with no plot anywhere to make it mean anything. I contented myself mostly with Legos, Barbies, cap guns, and water pistols.

26....you thought unicorns were real. I never thought they were real, but I plastered every wall of my room with them and competed with a friend of mine in daily competitions about who could draw better unicorns. Also, all of my friends had this game that we played at the back of the elementary school playground every day at recess, where we all had six or seven unicorns with various different names, and we'd recite the names of our unicorns to each other and tell each other what our unicorns had been getting up to lately or where we were planning to ride them to.

27. ...it was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz" would come on TV. I wasn't so much into watching stuff on TV. However, I did obsessively read every single Oz book and every book that L. Frank Baum ever wrote.


28. ...you ever asked your Magic 8-Ball the question: "Who will I marry, Shawn Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or Rick Springfield?" I have no idea who any of those people are, and I never had a Magic 8-Ball either. I do, however, now currently have a wristwatch that has a Magic 8-Ball type of button on it.

29. ...you completely wore-out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack albums. No, I didn't even find out that the radio existed until 1989, and I didn't find out you could buy albums of music from it until 1990. I was always kept extremely ignorant of popular culture.

30. ...you tried to do lots of arts and crafts things, like yarn & popsicle stick God's Eyes or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom. Not to mention lanyards! I don't know what God's Eyes or lanyards are, but I did have a plastic loom that I made weird woven potholders on, and in her capacity as my Girl Scout Troop leader, my mother managed every single week for six years to come up with an endless supply of every bizarre craft project ever invented.

31. ...you made Shrinky-dinks! I have no idea what those are.

32. ...you used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape recorder up to the speaker. No, I had better technology than that.

33. ...you couldn't wait to get the free animal poster that came when you ordered books from the Weekly Reader book club. I think I did get something like that. I know I used to subscribe to Ranger Rick magazine, and the National Wildlife Federation would mail free panda bear stickers from time to time which I stuck in little rows across my closet door. All stickers given to me tended to end up on my closet door; my mother got frequent batches of fluorescent orange happy face stickers included in some junk mail thing on a regular basis, and she always gave them to me and I was cray about them. Also I remember once I got a sticker from school that said "Don't Abuse Drugs" and I put that on my closet door, but when my mother saw it she got a pen and crossed out the "Ab" and informed me that I should not USE drugs at all, period. This memory amuses me.

34. ...you learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books. (Are you there God? It's me, Margaret.) Well, I did read them, but Judy Blume was never really one of my favorites.

35. ...you thought Olivia Newton John's song, "Physical" was about aerobics. I didn't hear Olivia Newton-John's song "Physical" until I was probably 18 years old. I didn't get introduced to pop music until quite late in life.

36. ...you wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs. I had a few friendship pins and I had a few shoelaces like that, but I rarely wore either of them.

37. ...you had Colorforms. Yes! I loved Colorforms! I had about 15 sets of them.

38. ...you wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer. I have no idea what that is.

39. ...you had a Big Wheel with a brake on the side, and a Sit-N-Spin. I had a Big Wheel, but I don't remember if it had a brake. We had several Big Wheels, and a big orange plastic jeep with little blue decal fake windows, and a Sit-N-Spin upon which I spun many hours away.

40. ...you had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat! I have no idea what those are. I only had a subscription to Ranger Rick. I got to read little stories about Ranger Rick the Racoon lecturing me once a month about the importance of preserving the environment. Wait, later I also had a subscription to the Barbie Newsletter, which was hot pink and sgned by Barbie herself. But I had a subscription to Ranger Rick for far more years than anything else.
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