May 8th, 2003



*closes eyes*

Okay. I think life is planning to become less hellish now. That would be nice.

I just want to be able to take off people's spiny shells and get them to let me hug them. I want deep true human connections instead of all this flailing of spines. And that's what almost everybody else in the world claims to want too, but then when you actually touch them they nearly all leap up screaming in terror and try to kill you for it.

Tell me something. Tell me something that you're hardly ever brave enough to tell people. Tell me the thing that's hardest of all for you to tell people. My journal is always open to anonymous comments if you ever want to make use of them. It doesn't matter whether I know who you are or not; I just want to know that there are human beings out there in the world instead of only spiny shells. Tell me something that makes me know beyond a doubt that a human being with intense feelings sat down at a keyboard somewhere on the other end of the internet connection and . . . felt things, and wrote them down for me.
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    the sound of myself listening

Please Excuse Me a Minute While I Indulge My Ego by Jumping Up and Down Clutching a Newly Received Compliment and Waving It in Everyone's Faces

I think you're pretty. You're very fragile, but not in a helpless maiden kind of way... more in a nervous-shy boy sort of way. You were an outsider before you became one of the only vocal "queer by choice" people and thus put yourself into the margins of both straight and queer society. That's just how you do things. And when people hurt you, it's not just that they're mean, it's that people are mean and you don't understand why. I can tell why you like Depeche Mode. I think you're a lot like me, only that you base a lot more of your actions and ideas on principles than I do. It makes you more politically oriented, a little more vocal, and a little more rigid. I think getting very close to you would feel, for me, like hugging Comma, who's more bones than fat. But I'm working on becoming fatter and fatter, metaphorically at least, which helps.
sammka, in an LJ comment reply to my last entry
This is now officially my absolute favorite description anyone anywhere has written of me ever.

(Only, do explain - why is it that I like Depeche Mode, then? Even I don't know why I like Depeche Mode. It's something that happened to me so long ago, so early in high school, that I can no longer remember or even vaguely imagine what they would sound like if I were still hearing them for the first time without any of the nostalgic memories attached.)
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