Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin
queerbychoice

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Another Survey from DoublePlusGood

TITLE.
- How do you introduce yourself? I don't. I mean, I, uh . . . add people to my LJ friends list. I don't ever meet people in person.
- What nickname, if any, do you most commonly go by? Gayle.
- How did you get it? It's my middle name.
- What do your parents call you? Cynthia.
- What do you call them? Mom and Dad.
- What online names do you go by? QueerByChoice.
- How did you get those? From Vera Whisman's book title, Queer by Choice: Lesbians, Gay Men, and the Politics of Identity.
Have you ever been addressed by your online name(s) in real life? Um, no.
- Have you ever called someone by their online name in real life? Don't think so.
- Is there anyone you only know by their 'fake' name, and not their real one? Lots.

APPEARANCE.
- What colour are your eyes? Pale and mostly devoid of color. Vaguely bluish-greenish.
- What colour is your hair, naturally? Dark brown. Reddish when in sunshine.
- What colour is it now? Its natural color, same as it's always been my whole life. Complete with a few white strands I've had since I was 20 and do not make any effort to pluck out.
- What colours has your hair been? When I was born it was blonde, and when I was about three it was bright red. By the time I was five it had turned this color (minus the white strands) and it has stayed that way ever since. Also I acquired my first grey hair at the age of 7, but plucked it out and have never found a grey hair since. When I was 20 I suddenly acquired a handful of white hairs and also a handful of platinum blonde ones. I was annoyed by the platinum blonde ones more than by the white ones; I was also very pleased that the white ones were white instead of grey, because I like white much better than grey. The platinum blonde ones went away, and the white ones stayed, and I haven't had any grey ones since age 7, so my hair has obeyed my wishes perfectly.
- What colours do you plan on making it? I don't artificially alter my hair color! Not ever.
- What's the longest your hair has been? When I was eleven and rather shorter than I am now, it hung down slightly past my waist. It's remained that same length ever since, which is the longest it will grow, but I grew taller so now it's only a little over halfway to my elbow from my shoulder.
- What colours do you predominantly wear? Stop sign red, canary yellow, bright bluish-green, bright turquoise blue, royal blue, royal purple, bright lavender, white.
- Did or do you go through phases, colours, styles? As soon as I learned how to talk well enough to say it, I informed my parents that I would only ever wear dresses from then on. I have always stuck with the brightest colors and the fullest skirts I could possibly find. The only variations have been brought on simply by the changing availability of different styles in stores: from 4th grade through 12th grade all my dresses had big square or triangular lacy collars that covered half my chest, and low V-shaped princess waists and bows in the back, simply because that was what bright-colored full-skirted dresses were made like at the time. After I got to college I couldn't find many bright-colored full-skirted dresses at all, so since then I've been wearing mostly bright-colored full-skirted skirts and shirts instead.
- Can other people buy clothing for you, or is it something you can only do for yourself? My mother can sometimes buy clothing for me. She's not perfect at it but she's spent 26 years studying and trying her best, so she manages to get it right more often than not. (Her mother is notorious for buying everyone the most hideous clothes imaginable, so my mother makes an effort not to subject me to what she got subjected to.)
- Do you have a favourite item of clothing? It's probably a tie between one of my red skirts and my turquoise skirt.

BINARY.
- Top bunk or bottom bunk? Top.
- Going first or going last? Last, so I can try to figure out how it's done by watching others, since invariably I failed to pay adequate attention when we were given instructions.
- Hot or cold? Hmm. Neither, really.
- Entree or dessert? Either. Both!
- Fantasy or Science Fiction? Eh. *shrug*
- Electric or acoustic? Whatever.
- Button or zip? Neither.
- Passive or aggressive? Is this asking which one I prefer to be, or which one I prefer other people to be? Things usually go better in my life when I am taking action and being un-passive, but "aggressive" would be a misleading adjective with which to describe my form of action.
- From the bottle or in a glass? Bottle.
- Spiders or snakes? Spiders. They're easier to step on than snakes.

EMOTIONS.
- When was the last time you:
surprised yourself? I mostly surprise myself in anything involving Jeremy. I haven't got any well-established habits yet where sexual things are concerned, so everything surprises me.
- were proud of yourself? I was very proud of myself for figuring out how to give and receive orgasms a few months ago.
- disappointed yourself? I only ever disappoint myself by not getting things done as fast as I'd like. This happens with about one item per month, but lasts the entire month or more before I finally get it done.
- amused yourself? Can't remember.
- edited yourself? Every time I write anything.

What's a standout experience of yours that you associate with:
- Anger? My interaction with Frank Aqueno on November 3, 2001. Runner-up: my interaction with my father the first time I visited my parents after September 11th and voiced my objection to his warmongering. Second runner-up: my fury in August 2000 when PFLAG President Kirsten Kingdon sent letters to every PFLAG chapter in the United States forbidding them to have any contact with me.
- Fear? Coming out to my parents October 10, 2001. Runner-up: September 11th.
- Awe? Hmm. Maybe graduating from college. My entire future was this weird blank empty space.
- Joy? Moving out of my parents' house. Runner-up: the month spent anticipating my first kiss in January 1995.
- Grief? Ending my best friendship with Christine, August 1997. Runner-up: graduating from high school (spring 1994) and knowing I'd never get to see Christine on a daily basis (or even live on the same side of the continent as her) anymore in college.
- Serendipity? Jeremy's willingness to visit me this past July.

PRESENT.
- Catchphrase? None. I'm not feeling catchy lately.
- Sound you associate with waking up? Unpleasant low-pitched buzzing of my alarm clocks
- Breakfast? None on weekdays. On weekends, either none or cornflakes.
- Favourite thing you see every day? Myself in the mirror.
- Thought you keep returning to? "FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU." (to employers).
- Song stuck in your head? David Bowie: "I've Been Waiting for You"
- Non-computer item within arm's reach? Uh, there are about 100 to choose from. I select as my offerings . . . a half-used tube of white acrylic paint, and the book The Girls Next Door: Into the Heart of Lesbian America by Lindsy Van Gelder and Pamela Robin Brandt.
- Thing you've most recently thrown away? Box of frozen pizza.
- Item you've touched and reminisced over? Er. A three month old used condom?
- Plan? Ugh. Well, I spent half an hour at work wrangling a half hour of free time out of my company by promising to make up the time at lunch, because I NEED to take my car to the dealership for a routine medical checkup and I'VE BEEN WAITING MONTHS for this routine medical checkup and it's LONG overdue at this point and THEY WON'T GIVE ME ANY VACATION TIME. Anyway, I finally got the time granted but I have to worth straight through lunch to make up the time. Provided that all manages to work out, my car should be fully happy and ready to stop having things go wrong with it for a while, and then I can try to figure out whether I can drag myself to San Francisco in it this weekend.

PAST.
When did you last:
- Go to the dentist? Sometime late last spring. I expect I'm due to return sometime soon, since I do believe in following the recommended twice-a-year dental visit schedule. When it's time, my dentist will call me.
- Make an impulse purchase? Define "impulse." I don't much plan what I'm going to buy at the grocery store until I arrive there and look around, so any of it could be considered an "impulse" purchase. But I can't think of any purchasing decisions I make that are ever much more impulsive than that. Maybe my car? I made a pretty sudden impulsive decision to buy myself a new car, upon hearing that my old one would cost unpleasant amounts to get fixed.
- Kiss someone hello? Hmm. I don't think any of my kisses to Jeremy were "hello" kisses, since I did not kiss him immediately upon arrival and after that he was never away. So the last time I kissed someone hello must have been back in 1997. A shame. Next time I will be sure to kiss Jeremy hello.
- Spend a day on your own? Last weekend.
- Laugh uncontrollably? Probably during Jeremy's visit. It wasn't terribly clear what was so funny but there was a day or two there where I just couldn't stop laughing every other minute.
- Get dressed up all nice? The most I ever do to "look nice" is wash my hair the night before. I don't have any "nicer than usual" clothes and there's nothing else I ever do to my appearance that I don't do every single day except washing my hair.
- Read something aloud? I have no idea. Elementary school? I haven't had much occasion to read aloud since then.
- Rewatch something? I rewatched the first half of last season's Enterprise cliffhanger before the start of the new season.
- Clean behind your ears? It gets wet whenever I wash my hair, but I've never made any special effort to clean it.
- Bite your tongue? No idea.

SCHOOLING.
- Who was your favourite teacher? Any of my professors in college prose creative writing classes, or my high school creative writing teacher for 10th and 12th grades.
- Who was your least favourite teacher? 10th grade Honors U.S. History teacher. I started a petition against him and he got fired in the middle of the year, at the semester break. He was sexist and student-hating and evil. Unfortunately before he left, he gave me a D for my first semester's grade.
- What was your favourite subject? English.
- What was your least favourite subject? P.E.
- What one book that you studied stands out for you, in a positive sense? Red Azalea by Anchee Min, Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown and Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson (all three of those I studied in my "Lesbian Literature: Theory and Practice" class), and Regeneration by Pat Barker (from a "20th Century Literature" class).
- What one book that you studied stands out for you, in a negative sense? The epic poem "The Faerie Queene" by Edmund Spencer. Or if I have to choose a book . . . maybe The Balcony by Jean Genet or The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway.
- Who were your best friends? Gina, Megan, Christine, Kathy, Sara, Renna. (Chronological order.)
- What did you draw on your books, your pencil-case, your desk? Beautiful women, mostly. Sometimes engaged in intimate activities with one another.
- What extra-curricular activities did you take part in? High school: Asian Culture Club (my friends and I co-founded it and I was the public relations officer); Art Club; Black Student Union; Spanish Club.
- Were you bullied? Did you bully anyone? I was not particularly bullied; I was harassed and teased a small amount in middle school but primarily just ignored. I certainly did not bully anyone myself.

ARTS.
- What's one film you love unabashedly, and recommend to people? There really aren't any. If I had to recommend one thoug, I'd recommend Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence, starring David Bowie. Runners-up: Basquiat and Labyrinth, both also starring David Bowie. (I don't watch movies unless they have David Bowie in them.)
- What's one artwork you've never seen in person, but would like to? Er. I don't plan ahead to see works of art. I just enjoy what they put in front of me.
- Who's one author you feel like only you know about? Howard Buten. But I've successfully introduced Jeremy and Frank to him, and Vox delighted me by already being familiar with him.
- Who's one musician that no-one else seems to 'get'? Um. The band "Boy Meets Girl." Hardly anyone except MagpieGeese and I appreciate them as anything more than a one-hit wonder.
- What's a TV series you wouldn't mind owning all of? Star Trek: Voyager; but I really don't rewatch TV shows anyway so I have no actual desire to own any of them.
- What's one form of art that inevitably leaves you cold? Celine Dion songs.
- What was the last thing you saw in a theatre, not onscreen? I saw a play put on by my college, when I was in college . . . . my final semester . . . but I can't remember what the play was.
- What was the last soundtrack you listened to? Probably The Buddha of Suburbia soundtrack, by David Bowie.
- Do you doodle? Yes. Primarily on my own hands.
- Can you draw? Yes. Quite well.

FUTURE.
- Who would you most like to meet? A book agent who'll advance me $50,000 on a deal with Random House.
- Where would you most like to go? I don't care about going places, I only care about moving there. Moving to NYC would be ideal, primarily because all the good editing jobs are there.
- What skill would you most like to learn? How to get hired.
- What natural wonder would you most like to visit? I'm content to just stay home.
- What would you like to do professionally? Write my autobiography.
- What invention are you most eagerly awaiting? Computers that plug into my brain and allow me to type everything instantly without the use of my fingers.
- When in the past would you like to experience? None of it.
- Do you envisage yourself in ten years time? Do I? Uh, I expect to live that long. But I don't have much idea of what I'll be doing then, profession-wise or family-wise. I know I'll be a queer by choice atheist; that's about all I know.
- Where would you most like to have a second home? Uh . . . Missouri?
- Who from your past would you most like to catch up with? I suppose Renna or Sara or Kathy would be good. Most other people that I haven't heard from lately, there are good reasons why I prefer not to be in contact with them anymore. Oh, and I called my ex-boy Justin a few days ago on a whim, for the first time in a year or two. But I got an answering machine, and it wasn't even a familiar voice, and since he'd be 28 by now I don't know if he'd even still be living with his father now (though I wouldn't be surprised . . .), and anyway I didn't leave a message, and although I do have his email address, I know that attempts to converse with him via email are invariably more unpleasant than attempts to converse with him via telephone. So I'll either call back someday, or else forget about it.
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