Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin
queerbychoice

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Dream

I dreamed that Jeremy came back to visit me. Only, he brought along a girl, some new girlfriend he had recently acquired. We were at a big camp thing with people everywhere; everyone slept in sleeping bags thrown in whatever corner of one big huge enclosed area they felt like throwing themselves. The camp happened to take place in the front yard of my childhood home, so the enclosed area was behind the fence there. And my parents were there, and my first concern was that because I have not in any way indicated to them that my relationship is not a closed one, they would probably misinterpret the girl's presence to mean that Jeremy was no longer mine or would very soon cease to be.

Soon I began to wonder if this was true myself. This girl and Jeremy were always together and I could not seem to figure out how to have a proper conversation with either of them. The girl said almost nothing in my hearing ever; it was difficult to get any clear impression of her since she said absolutely nothing, but in general my impression was that she was not a horrendously offensive type of person - I mean, at least she was quiet and civilized - but she did seem a little too . . . normal for him somehow. Also her hair annoyed me. It was long and brown and very straight, but she had bleached it - not blonde, but just a lighter brown than the roots were, and I found it annoyingly mainstream and it made her unattractive to me when otherwise I might have had a halfway decent chance of getting to like her.

Anyway, she seemed to have been under the impression that this trip was just a happy excursion for the two of them as a couple, and that I was not going to require any extensive amount of their time. I was pretty sure Jeremy had not intentionally given her that impression at all, but she had been in denial because the prospect of my having any importance was too unpleasant for her to be capable of processing.

The two of them had set up their sleeping bags next to each other before I arrived, and I was not sure where to go. I set up mine halfway between them and the complete opposite corner of the enclosed area, some sort of compromise between total avoidance and really going near them. Jeremy moved theirs over to where I was, which should have been good but it still really felt like they were mostly separate from me.

There was an interlude at this point in which the camp played hide-and-go-seek, and the girl was somewhere else for the duration of the game so Jeremy and I were trying to get some time together by, er, hiding together someplace and managing not to get found. But we had a terrible time managing not to get Jeremy assigned as "it" for the start of the game, and when we did manage that, the person who was assigned as "it" instead only gave us about ten seconds in which to hide ourselves - actually the game was not precisely hide-and-go-seek but rather a variation in which the seeker remained blindfolded for the entire duration of the seeking but was consequently not required to give us any proper length of time to hide ourselves, so she could follow us by the noise. Plus Jeremy was injured somehow, his leg was injured, and this made it all the more difficult to hide properly; the seeker found us easily and tagged him.

The game ended and the Absolutely Silent Girlfriend was at Jeremy's side again. I realized I had to think over the situation carefully and find a way to explain to both of them what was wrong and try to figure out how to get to know the Absolutely Silent Girlfriend and make peace with her. It occurred to me that I couldn't remember ever having been told ahead of time that this girl was going to be there with him, nor could I remember him ever having mentioned her existence in any way whatsoever. This seemed so noticeably un-Jeremylike as to be impossible for me to believe, even in a dream, so I decided that they had probably not had any actual sex and had only met a few days ago and he hadn't had time to mention her yet; but the nature of their relationship was still clearly headed in a sexual direction and still seemed terribly impolite and I continued to contemplate how weirdly un-Jeremylike it all was until I woke myself up from sheer disbelief.

Which is certainly not a bad way to wake up from such a thing.
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