Anyway, the first trauma of graduating from college was that I lost access to my beautiful beloved college library, which was a hundred million times better than even the very biggest public library in downtown Sacramento - in addition to which the college library was fantastically forgiving about late returns and never once charged me a fine even when I forgot to return a book or two for several weeks, whereas the public libraries charge something like a dollar a day for each day of lateness. The first time that I accidentally forgot to bring one of my books back to the downtown public library after having graduated from college, I was so shocked by the late fee (one book, for a mere week) that I decided just buying all my books outright would be more economically efficient than going to the library, and that is what I have been doing ever since.
But so much of my life has changed - not merely where I acquire my books, but also when I can find time to read them. I no longer ride the bus - I drive my car to work and back, and one simply cannot read a book while driving a car. And I have internet access at home now, and also at work, so there is no time at all when I simply have nothing else interesting I could be doing instead of reading. Any time I spend reading is time that I can't spend doing something else.
I know all this sounds like a lead-in to an announcement that I never read anymore, but it isn't that at all. What has happened, instead, is that I have turned into the most entirely insane anorexic/bulimic-style binge-reader who goes six or seven months without reading one single book ever, and then one day something happens to alter my routine just enough to induce me to pick up one single book again, and suddenly the full force of my hunger comes flooding back multiplied a hundredfold and for the next several months I do absolutely nothing but read absolutely nonstop, I don't sleep, I don't email, I become frightened of myself, at 2:00 a.m. I finally finish a book that I permitted to keep me up way past my bedtime telling myself I was so close to the end I might as well finish, and then the second I put it down I just want to pick up another one and go right on reading. I have not eaten dinner several nights this week because I couldn't tear myself away from my book even long enough to stuff a frozen pizza in the microwave and push the "on" button. And anyway I don't seem to feel hunger when I'm this deeply immersed in my books. Other people make New Year's Resolutions to read more classic literature, but this current binge of mine is by no means the first binge I've been on in which I've felt that what I really desperately need is to make a New Year's Resolution to stop wasting so much time reading classic literature.
I have things I need to do that are not getting done. That haven't been getting done for weeks. I am a crazed maniac who cannot control myself right now. I am afraid.