Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin
queerbychoice

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Crank Call

Something you may not have known about me: I have old-fashioned dial-up internet access, and since I am dialed into the internet every single second I'm home, it is perfectly impossible for anyone to telephone me. That is just fine with me, because the only people who ever try to are telemarketers, who fill my answering machine with an average of six messages every day while I'm at work. Occasionally, however, I sleep odd hours and do not turn my telephone ringer off, so then the incessant telemarketing wakes me. This evening I was rudely awakened from a sound sleep at 8:45 p.m. by the ringing of a telephone, and I don't really know why I bothered answering it at all, because as I said, the only people who call me are telemarketers - so quite frequently on the rare occasions that they do get through when I'm home, I don't answer it. But today I did answer it, and this is what happened:
ME: Hello?
THEM: Hello, is this Mrs. [insert horrendous mangling of the pronunciation of my last name here]?
ME: [choosing to ignore the fact that I am neither a Mrs. nor named the horrendous manglement] Yes.
THEM: Are you the lady of the house?
ME: Yes.
THEM: All right, another one we can call back every five minutes tomorrow!
ME: [momentarily speechless] . . . what????
THEM: [complete silence, not hanging up, not saying anything at all]
ME: [shouting] HELLOOOOO?!?!?!?!
THEM: [with gleeful cackle] Too late!
Uh, yeah. Go ahead, call my answering machine and modem every five minutes the whole entire day tomorrow, see if I care! That will be so thoroughly boring for you that you'll get precisely what you deserve for it. Feel free! Make my day!

The only thing I regret about answering the phone is that the conversation was so weird it woke me right up and I had to write it down here instead of being able to go right back to sleep.
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