ME: Hello?Uh, yeah. Go ahead, call my answering machine and modem every five minutes the whole entire day tomorrow, see if I care! That will be so thoroughly boring for you that you'll get precisely what you deserve for it. Feel free! Make my day!
THEM: Hello, is this Mrs. [insert horrendous mangling of the pronunciation of my last name here]?
ME: [choosing to ignore the fact that I am neither a Mrs. nor named the horrendous manglement] Yes.
THEM: Are you the lady of the house?
THEM: All right, another one we can call back every five minutes tomorrow!
ME: [momentarily speechless] . . . what????
THEM: [complete silence, not hanging up, not saying anything at all]
ME: [shouting] HELLOOOOO?!?!?!?!
THEM: [with gleeful cackle] Too late!
The only thing I regret about answering the phone is that the conversation was so weird it woke me right up and I had to write it down here instead of being able to go right back to sleep.