The one you gained your soul for, your everlasting eternal:
When I Was Five I Killed Myself by Howard Buten
Your first true love that can still make your heart go pitt-patter, and with whom you can see no flaws:
Possessing the Secret of Joy by Alice Walker
The one you cheated on both of the above with, but know cannot be your long-haul choice:
Just Above My Head by James Baldwin, Borderliners by Peter Hoeg, The World According to Garp by John Irving, A Single Man by Christopher Isherwood, The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath and Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie. (I cheat on my books rather frequently.)
The Silent Bob to your Jay:
Ida: A Novel by Gertrude Stein
Your very own Captain Jack Sparrow, who loved you madly & brilliantly, then left you stranded on a desert island to weep over the lost rum:
The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing. It left me stranded on a desert island by turning out to be massively homophobic, but not before I was already helplessly in love with it.
Your obsessive middle school crush who you've long since ceased being in love with but still recall with fond nostalgia:
The Sorcerer's Ship by Hans Bok
The multi-summer romance you had that you'll never forget, cut off from the real thing by the gods of time & circumstance:
How to Become a Virgin by Quentin Crisp and The Philosophy of Andy Warhol by Andy Warhol
The one you desperately wanted to go out with but then ended up hating the minute you won them over:
Atonement by Ian McEwan
The one you were utterly crazy about but who you always supected hated you:
Native Son by Richard Wright
The one all your friends say you should date:
Our Lady of the Flowers by Jean Genet, but my bad experiences with Genet's The Balcony and Funeral Rites have convinced me he's a serial rapist, so this is one romance that ain't gonna happen. Also Queer by William Burroughs, but I tried dating that one along with Naked Lunch and Cities of the Red Night and my experience there has been almost as bad as my experience with Jean Genet.
The one you're flirting with while your eternal is away, but find utterly impossible to take seriously:
Harry Potter and the [Fill in the Blank] by J. K. Rowling
The one you've admired from afar, too scared to approach:
Used to be War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, but I approached it a few years ago and we've been extremely fond of each other ever since. Now the one I'm scared to approach is The Making of Americans by Gertrude Stein. Oh, and Life: A User's Manual by Georges Perec has been sitting on my shelf unread for so many years that I've stopped even deluding myself that I'm really planning to work up the nerve to try to read it.
The one your relative is dating that you find repulsive:
A Time to Kill by John Grisham
The one your relative is dating that you've come to accept in small doses:
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
The one you had a great breakfast with, who was killed by a bus 5 minutes later, despite looking like Brad Pitt:
The Executioner's Song by Norman Mailer. It got killed by learning about the author's horrifying politics.
Pure by Rebbecca Ray
The cute one:
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami and The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Aged 13 1/2 by Sue Townsend
The crush with accessories you obsessed over:
e by Matt Beaumont
That unsuccessful blind date a while back:
Nightwood by Djuna Barnes, The Male Cross-Dresser Support Group by Tama Janowitz and What We Don't Know About Children by Simona Vinci. HORRENDOUS blind dates, all three of them.
The one who could have been your eternal love, until you lived with them a while and realized you only wanted a best friend:
Zami: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde, Red Azalea by Anchee Min and Myra Breckenridge by Gore Vidal
Your life-long fantasy:
Come to Me by Amy Bloom