Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin

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Help, I'm Being Stalked by an Invisible Cicada with a Death Wish!

Uh, there's some kind of . . . cicada, or katydid, or some similar kind of insect, in my kitchen somewhere, shrieking at the top of its lungs, really high pitched and prolonged, and I can't find it anywhere to be able to kill it. I need to find it, absolutely immediately, because if I do not, I will (a) go deaf, and (b) go insane.

But I don't see it anywhere. As near as I can follow it from the sound, it seems to be in the vicinity of the ceiling above my stove. Maybe it came down the air vent above the stove fan and is still trapped inside there? How do I get it out? Apparently I have to cook it alive and then leave a rotting insect corpse sitting up there above my food for the rest of my residence here. (Suddenly the idea of being kicked out of my apartment so the federal government can turn it into low-income housing seems much less unappealing than it did before.) But I'm not even sure I can do that to it, because it's not in the stove itself, but just in the fan - if even that's even where the noise is really coming from, and not just a nearby cupboard where I've somehow failed to see it. Help!

And uh . . . I'm going to try turning on the fan, but not the stove, and see if that . . . uh . . . quiets it down any.

Edit: No, not dead. And I really do think the noise is coming from the stove fan. Arrrgh!
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