Dear Scientologists: Subtlety Is Not One of Your Talents
I just checked my snail mail and found a recruitment questionnaire from the Church of Scientology. It's very funny to see the things they want to know about their recruits. I especially like how they keep rephrasing the questions that really matter to them over and over, interspersing them with more innocuous ones to try to disguise their primary interests. These are some of their actual questions, quoted verbatim:
7. Would you prefer to be in a position where you did not have the responsibilities of making decisions? 23. Do you resent the efforts of others to tell you what to do? 29. Would you rather give orders than take them? 31. Could you agree to "strict discipline"? 32. Would the idea of making a complete new start cause you much concern? 55. When hearing a lecturer, do you sometimes experience the idea that the speaker is referring entirely to you? 68. Do you enjoy activities of your own choosing? 69. Does emotional music have quite an effect on you? 80. Do you accept criticism easily and without resentment? 84. Do you prefer to abide by the wishes of others rather than seek to have your own way? 90. Do you have few interests and activities that are your own choice? 99. Do you prefer to take a passive role in any club or organization to which you belong? 103. Would you give up easily on a given course if it were causing you a considerable amount of inconvenience? 107. Do you turn down responsibility because you doubt your fitness to cope? 120. When met with direct opposition would you still seek to have your own way rather than give in? 125. Are you suspicious of people who ask to borrow money from you? 126. Are your decisions swayed by personal interests? 128. Do you frequently take action even though you know your own good judgment would indicate otherwise? 142. Do you get very ill at ease in disordered surroundings? 179. Do others push you around? 181. Do you often ponder over your own inferiority? 184. Do you frequently not do something you want to do because of other people's desires? 200. Do you consider you have many warm friends?
As it happens, I do resent the efforts of others to tell me what to do, and I would not prefer to be in a position where I did not have the responsibilities of making my own decisions - much less a position of "strict discipline." I do happen to enjoy choosing my own activities, thanks very much, and I certainly do not wish to put up with any cult leaders causing me "a considerable amount of inconvenience." Somehow I get the feeling that Scientology and I would not get along.