Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin
queerbychoice

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Dear Common Cold

Dear common cold,

We need to talk. Susan and I already paid our yearly dues to you in January. We don't owe you anything more so soon. And you're way overdoing this anyway. My nose isn't just dripping like a leaky faucet; it's gushing like a turned on faucet. I require it to function as a nose, not as a faucet. Granted, it never had much sense of smell in the first place, but it did do a satisfactory job of inhaling and exhaling until you came along and took it over. And if I may be so vain as to say so, I rather preferred the way it looked on my face when it wasn't bright red and irritated.

I've been sleeping 12 hours per night both of the last two nights, and I plan to do the same tonight, despite your interruptions. I've also been drinking lots of orange juice and eating chicken noodle soup. I even ate all the cooked carrots in the soup! I didn't eat the celery, but you know I'd have to be literally on my death bed to go so far as to eat green vegetables. I ate orange vegetables in mass quantities for you! These things are supposed to have an effect on you. So hurry up and go away already!

I'm supposed to attend an evening geology class with Susan after work tomorrow, and I've barely been able to drag myself through my normal workday for the past couple of days, even with the extreme good fortune of having coincidentally had a quite significantly lighter workload for the past two days than is normal for me. I need to be functional tomorrow. I need you to go away and leave me alone. PLEASE.

No love,
Gayle
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