Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin

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Joblessness, Continued

It still feels a bit like a dream that I might wake up from at any moment. I had a plan for what my new life living with Susan would be like, and it didn't involve me being unemployed. Aren't we supposed to get a honeymoon period where everything is perfect in our lives when we first move in together and we can just be blissfully happy? I didn't even get to finish moving in before I got laid off. I had expected to spend most weeknights at my apartment for another week or two, until whenever I received the correct equipment to telecommute with. The equipment that it now seems the company never actually ordered for me at all, even though they told me they had. But now there's no need to spend any nights in my apartment at all, because no purpose is served by being closer to the office building where I'm no longer employed. Susan and I are planning to move the last bits of my stuff out of there this evening, and then I don't expect to go back there again except perhaps to clean the place up and of course to return the keys. So all of a sudden I'm pretty much done moving. Sooner than planned, and not for the right reasons.

Granted, having to pay only a little over half as much rent as before (because the duplex costs very little more than my apartment did, and is split between both of us) will certainly come in handy now. But I wasn't moving in for economic reasons, and I don't like having economic reasons suddenly thrust into the move after it's already mostly over.

I had really hoped to keep that job for the rest of my life. Even though the workload had become increasingly unreasonably heavy as a result of so many other people having been laid off before I was, I still really loved the job. I loved the actual tasks I performed and responsisbilities I fulfilled and the people I worked with - below, beside, and immediately above me in the hierarchy. I didn't so much love the upper management, but who does ever love upper management at any job? I would have put up with continuing to work 60-hour weeks regularly for the same pay I had received when working less than two thirds of that. I loved the job because I was good at it, because the people I directly interacted with made me feel consistently very appreciated for it, because I felt my talents were valued and put to good use. But apparently other people, faceless people far above me in the hierarchy, who never interacted with me at all and only looked at my salary on their computer screens and a shortfall in the company budget, didn't value my talents. And apparently those people's judgment is all that matters, in the end - not the judgment of people who actually knew me and worked with me.
Tags: susan, work
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