Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin
queerbychoice

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Betrayed by the Pasta-Roni Company

I have been betrayed by the Pasta-Roni company! Don't they realize I was their best customer for most of a decade? Is this their revenge against me for having found a girlfriend who cooks for me and therefore not buying their products for dinner every day of the year anymore? I can't believe they had the audacity! I got all excited at first when I saw that they had developed a brand new flavor. But then I discovered their betrayal: the instructions for preparing the new flavor say "Do not microwave."

There are acceptable and unacceptable ways of involving me in food preparation. Susan is good at finding the acceptable ways; hardly a day ever passes when I'm not involved in some way in preparing dinner. Most often I chop garlic, because almost every dinner Susan ever makes has garlic in it. Other times I carve meat or even interact with the conventional oven: I put frozen pizza or frozen French fries into it, or I flip burgers or other things that Susan has already started on the stovetop.

And on very special occasions, exclusively for Susan's benefit, when she is ill or as an extraordinary expression of my total devotion to her every whim, I will even stand over the stovetop for an hour, constantly stirring tapioca for her. Emphasis on for her. Susan can taste the difference between microwaved and stovetop-boiled food, so it makes some degree of sense to bother preparing things on the stovetop for her, even if I don't really understand the appeal it has for her.

But it does not make sense to bother preparing things on the stovetop for me. Susan is not going to eat Pasta-Roni. Susan has announced that she is not feeling well and that, consequently, tonight is a fend-for-ourselves night. I specifically offered to cook for her and asked whether she had any requests, but she declined the offer. And it is a ridiculously pointless waste of time to cook anything for myself by standing over the stovetop and stirring.

For the record, I did actually follow the directions and prepare the traitorous Pasta-Roni on the stovetop, stirring regularly. (I had already opened the box before i saw the "Do not microwave" instructions, so it seemed too late to stop.) However, the result is the most utterly flavorles macaroni and cheese I've ever tasted in my life. I would vastly prefer the significantly cheaper Kraft kind that I can microwave.
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