Gayle Madwin (queerbychoice) wrote,
Gayle Madwin

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Almost Halloween

I don't understand why I have to wash the spiderwebs off my front porch at a time of year when other people are buying fake spiderwebs to decorate their porches with. I have a real spiderweb blocking the way to my doorbell; if I didn't wash it off, kids would have to reach through a real spiderweb to trick-or-treat at my house. What could possibly be more seasonally appropriate?

Tomorrow I'm going to the house of my friends Alyson and Jackie to dress up in a Dracula costume they're going to provide me with, hide behind a tree on their property, and lurk there until their kids show up, along with some neighbor kids who are joining them in a pre-Halloween practice run, at which point I've been instructed to jump out from behind the tree and terrify the children. Because when my friends are looking for someone to frighten their children, apparently I come to mind as a good candidate. However, I haven't the slightest idea how one goes about acting like Dracula. I feel that I should probably attempt to research this beforehand by looking up Dracula videos on YouTube or something.

Today I went out in my back yard and found that the neighbors' portable patio (a ceiling-high tarp attached to a giant metal frame about 25 feet square) had blown over the fence into my yard, where it had lodged itself upside-down on my side of the fence. I tried to figure out how I might get it back into their yard, but I was at a loss. It was far too big for me to heave it back over the fence as it was, and I couldn't figure out how to collapse it into a more portable shape. Then the neighbors came outside into their backyard . . . and proceeded to completely ignore my plight. I had to yell over the fence to get their attention, and they seemed at first quite confused about what I wanted. "Our canopy blew over your fence in the wind? Really?" Yes, how is this not obvious? Did you think I'd climbed over the fence, stolen it from you, and set it up upside-down on my side of the fence? Apparently they simply hadn't noticed it was missing at all. This despite the fact that they were standing about three feet from where it had previously been. I don't understand how it's possible to fail to notice the absence of an object the size of a bedroom when you're standing three feet from where it used to be. They told me they had failed to notice. People confuse me.
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