Now the question is what I should do next. I did, by the way, go back to J. C. Penney and finally buy the red velvet dress that I'd fallen half in love with there but resisted buying because of the color; I wasn't able to forget about it and in the interim they moved it to the clearance rack and marked the price down to only $20 so that clinched it. (It's completely unheard of to find any dress on sale for $20, much less one that makes you look like a supermodel, so even if it does make you look like a sickly, frighteningly colorless supermodel, you still really have to buy it.) Though I haven't had the courage to actually wear it in public. I wear it inside to admire myself, where I don't have to worry about what anyone else thinks. And I wore it out to the laundry room one day. That was adventurous of me.
But anyway, about this "ivory" dress. I have to figure out whether to return it and yell at them and try to get a refund (but they're not a corporation, they're human beings who hand-sew dresses and they probably need the money more than I do), or forget about it and hope I someday gain 300 pounds so the dress will fit me (or perhaps just buy football shoulder gear and wear the dress over that? I bet that would create an interesting visual image!), or throw more money at them but halve all my measurements this time and hope that they again sew a dress for double the size that I tell them (Hi, I'm Cynthia and my measurements are 19-15-19 . . . you believe me, right? Right? No, I didn't accidentally measure a Barbie doll by mistake and give you her measurements in millimeters! I'm really that size! It's just that . . . um . . . I'm like Cher, I had half my ribs removed to make me skinnier! No, actually, I decided to beat Cher, so I had them all removed! Yes, so now make me a dress and please don't report me to a doctor for anorexia while you're at it!)
::looks at the dress again, and just how ridiculously wrongly sized it is::
Er, no. I'm not throwing any more money anywhere near those people again.
So much for velvet dresses.
I should probably just order the velvet, and make the dress myself. I couldn't possibly do as bad a job as they did.